Crumble or Stand

Tears poured down my face as I quietly sat in the chair, surrounded by tissues, shaking. My heart was completely broken. It was all a bit surreal. I sobbed. I felt sick. My eldest daughter ran upstairs to her bedroom quickly. She sat on her window-sill waving. Tears rolled down her face. My two other children stood on the couch and waved furiously out of the window. They were waving at their Dad. He had spent the last few hours packing his belongings into his car. He opened the driver’s side door, got in his car and drove off down the street. He was their hero, until now. Hearts were broken, smashed to pieces, devastated beyond words. Abruptly, our lives had turned upside down. Everything that was familiar to us lay in ruins at our feet. Our family, destroyed in a heartbeat. This is my story of when I discovered that my husband was having an affair: the day he closed the front door; the devastation he left behind; and the agonising steps that followed. The journey has been so incredibly tough, harrowing and full of pain. As I summon the courage to bare my heart and soul to you, tears well in my eyes. Sadly, being deceived and discarded leaves its own trail of scars. My aim of writing this book is to reach out to those who are broken, hurting, rejected, abandoned and unloved; to say to all men and women who have been the ‘victim’ of a cruel act, such as adultery, that you are not on your own. I have had to fight for my integrity, self-respect and confidence on a daily basis. There have been days when I completely crumbled under the weight of the emotional torment and pain. But I never gave up trying. I live with my three beautiful children in Berkshire, in the United Kingdom. I am not a teacher, or a scholar, nor do I profess to be. I hold no qualifications. I am just me. I am a Christian and a church leader in my local church. Throughout this book I want to share how God has helped me on my journey. I have used references from the Bible and explained how these have helped me. My prayer is that this book will be a blessing to you in some small way. Much love, Toni x

The day my world fell apart I found myself lying in a crumpled heap, sobbing on the kitchen floor - everything had been destroyed. This is my journey of taking a step of faith and walking daily in love and forgiveness.

Tears poured down my face as I quietly sat in the chair, surrounded by tissues, shaking. My heart was completely broken. It was all a bit surreal. I sobbed. I felt sick. My eldest daughter ran upstairs to her bedroom quickly. She sat on her window-sill waving. Tears rolled down her face. My two other children stood on the couch and waved furiously out of the window. They were waving at their Dad. He had spent the last few hours packing his belongings into his car. He opened the driver’s side door, got in his car and drove off down the street. He was their hero, until now. Hearts were broken, smashed to pieces, devastated beyond words. Abruptly, our lives had turned upside down. Everything that was familiar to us lay in ruins at our feet. Our family, destroyed in a heartbeat. This is my story of when I discovered that my husband was having an affair: the day he closed the front door; the devastation he left behind; and the agonising steps that followed. The journey has been so incredibly tough, harrowing and full of pain. As I summon the courage to bare my heart and soul to you, tears well in my eyes. Sadly, being deceived and discarded leaves its own trail of scars. My aim of writing this book is to reach out to those who are broken, hurting, rejected, abandoned and unloved; to say to all men and women who have been the ‘victim’ of a cruel act, such as adultery, that you are not on your own. I have had to fight for my integrity, self-respect and confidence on a daily basis. There have been days when I completely crumbled under the weight of the emotional torment and pain. But I never gave up trying. I live with my three beautiful children in Berkshire, in the United Kingdom. I am not a teacher, or a scholar, nor do I profess to be. I hold no qualifications. I am just me. I am a Christian and a church leader in my local church. Throughout this book I want to share how God has helped me on my journey. I have used references from the Bible and explained how these have helped me. My prayer is that this book will be a blessing to you in some small way. Much love, Toni x