Tales from the Turkey Table

From the origins of Christmas in a stable gone wild, to a malevolent snowman, to hipster beard decorations, THIS is the book that the whole family can enjoy at the most wonderful time of the year.

Well, maybe not the WHOLE family. There are words in here that should not be dancing with sugarplums in children's heads.

But TALES FROM THE TURKEY TABLE serves up platefuls of laughter in a perfect antidote to the saccharine and syrup that is now demanded from us during the season of peace and goodwill (and Santa, and reindeer, and elves, all the damned elves. SO many elves).

Tired of a certain greeting card company's unending stream of Christmas romance movies? Ever wondered about the mysterious arm stoking the Yule Log fire in the video? Curious about how The Virgin Mary explained her pregnancy to her betrothed, Joseph? And what does happen when people get just too carried away by the season?

The answers to these and other questions that you never knew you had, lie in the pages of the book that you're holding in your hand.

Oh, and for perfect mulled wine and roast beef with gravy, there are also a pair of recipes to feed your kith and kin through the long winter nights - and get them drunk enough that they will no longer be a bother to you.

This book, the one that you're about to buy and put into someone's stocking, is the rum in the Christmas pudding!

Foreword by Charles Dickens

Introduction By Bill Allman

1. A (not very) Hallmark Christmas Movie

2. Away In A Manger

3. The Virgin Mary's Letter

4. Christmas Music

5. The Man Behind the Poker

6. E.T. Did Not Die For Our Sins

7. Hanging Baubles

8. Christmas Dildos

9. Frosty The Snowman Goes Camping

10. ~ Yuletide Mulled Wine And Roast Beast

11. Macy's Loveland

12. My Baby's Going To Jail For Christmas

13. Frosty The Cov-Man

14. Aunt Louise The Christmas Whore

15. When Christmas Jumped The Shark