How to Survive a Horror Movie: All the Skills to Dodge the Kills

Seth Grahame-Smith is a New York Times best-selling author (Pride and Prejudice and Zombies; Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter), screenwriter (Dark Shadows; The Lego Batman Movie), and producer (Stephen King’s It) of film and television. His novel Pride and Prejudice and Zombies debuted at #3 on the New York Times Best Seller List, has sold over two million copies, and has been translated into more than twenty languages. A film adaptation was released in 2016.

Written by best-selling author, screenwriter, and producer Seth Grahame-Smith (Stephen King's It), with an introduction by horror icon Wes Craven (A Nightmare on Elm Street), this is a hilarious must-read for any horror movie fan...and it just might save your life.Are you reading this in a cornfield, at a summer camp, or in an abandoned mental institution? Have you noticed that everything is poorly lit, or that music surges every time you open a door? If the answer is yes, you're probably trapped in a horror movie. But don't freak out-just read this book! With it you will learn how to overcome every obstacle found in scary films, including:• How to determine what type of horror film you're trapped in• The five types of slashers and how to defeat them• How to handle killer dolls, murderous automobiles, and other haunted objects• How to deal with alien invasions, zombie apocalypses, and other global threats• What to do if you did something last summer, if your corn has children in it, or if you suspect you're already dead

FOREWORD: AN APOLOGY FROM WES CRAVEN CHAPTER I: WELCOME TO THE TERRORVERSEHow Do I Know If I’m in a Horror Movie?How Do I Know What Type of Horror Movie I’m In?C.R.A.V.E.N. (Cover, Recon, Arsenal, Vehicle, Escape, North)The Seven Deadly Horror Movie SinsHow to Survive a Horror Movie High SchoolCHAPTER II: SLASHER SURVIVAL SCHOOLThe Slaughterhouse Five: Five Types of Slashers and How to Defeat ThemHow to Survive Summer VacationHow to Survive a Night of BabysittingHow to Stay Awake for a WeekCHAPTER III: INANIMATE EVILHow to Survive a Haunted HouseWhat to Do When an Evil Vehicle Wants You DeadHow to Defeat a Killer DollHow to Tell If an Object Is EvilCHAPTER IV: CRYPT-OGRAPHYHow to Survive a CemeteryThe Good, the Bad, and the Deadly: Know Your GhostsHow to Kill the Living DeadHow to Kill a VampireHow to Tell If You’ve Been Dead Since the Beginning of the MovieCHAPTER V: MONSTER MASHHow to Survive a Global Alien AttackWhat to Do If It Follows YouHow to Survive a Space-Based Horror MovieCHAPTER 666: THE SATANIC “VERSUS”What to Do If Your Corn Has Children in ItFour Ways to Handle a Witch How to Perform an ExorcismWhat to Do If You Have Only Seven Days to LiveHow to Defeat Satan