Conflict Without Casualties: A Field Guide for Leading with Compassionate Accountability

Nate Regier, PhD, is the CEO and cofounder of Next Element, a global training advisory firm specializing in leadership communication and building cultures of Compassionate Accountability. He is a former practicing psychologist and holds a doctorate in clinical psychology from the University of Kansas.

Make Conflict Your Partner for Positive Change! Clinical psychologist and transformative communication expert Dr. Nate Regier believes that the biggest energy crisis facing our world is the misuse of conflict. Most organizations are terrified of conflict, seeing it as a sign of trouble. But conflict isn't the problem, says Regier. It's all about how we use the energy. When people misuse conflict energy, it becomes drama: they struggle against themselves or each other to feel justified about their negative behavior. The cost to companies, teams, and relationships is staggering. The alternative, says Regier, is compassionate accountability: struggling with others through conflict. Discover the Compassion Cycle, an elegant model for balancing empathy, care, and transparency with boundaries, goals, and standards. Provocative, illuminating, and highly practical, this book helps us avoid the casualties of conflict through openness, resourcefulness, and persistence.

Contents Acknowledgments ix Introduction 1 PART 1 | CONFLICT WITH CASUALTIES: DRAMA IS KILLING US 7 Chapter 1 | Conflict: The Big Bang of Communication 9 Chapter 2 | Drama: Misusing the Energy of Conflict 13 Chapter 3 | But I’m Just Trying to Help!: Good Intentions, Unintended Consequences 33 PART 2 | A FRAMEWORK FOR POSITIVE CONFLICT: COMPASSIONATE ACCOUNTABILITY CAN CHANGE THE WORLD 45 Chapter 4 | Compassion: Not for the Faint of Heart 47 Chapter 5 | Compassion and the Cycles of Human Civilization: Will We Get It Right This Time? 75 PART 3 | CONFLICT WITHOUT CASUALTIES USER MANUAL: PUTTING NEXT ELEMENT’S COMPASSION CYCLE TO WORK 87 Chapter 6 | Violators Will Be Prosecuted: Three Rules of the Compassion Cycle 89 Chapter 7 | Warning! Drama Approaching!: Three Leading Indicators 103 Chapter 8 | It’s All about Choices: Three Choices to Move 111 Chapter 9 | Coaching Accountability When There’s No Drama: Match and Move 129 Chapter 10 | The Formula for Compassionate Conflict: Confronting Drama with Compassionate Accountability 147 Chapter 11 | Conflict without Casualties: Preparing to Struggle with 163 Appendix A | Personal Development Guide 181 Appendix B | Preparing for Conflict: Building My ORPO Bank 191 Notes 195 Glossary of Terms and Phrases 197 Index 201 About the Author 207