You know you're a writer when. . . You'll never forgive your parents for your happy childhood.. . . The doctor tells you that you have terminal cancer and you think, "I can use this.". . . You accidentally sign a check with your pen name.. . . You know more than ten synonyms for "blue.". . . You write your Christmas letter as if it were War and Peace.Many readers will recognize themselves in this collection of observations about the eccentric, quirky, word-obsessed condition that is being a writer.