The Tale of an Adolescent Adult

I grew up learning that life had four phases:

• Childhood; lots of fun as long as you behaved
• Teenager; occasional misbehaviour allowed (but never on a Sunday)
• Middle Age; started at thirty, and you wore a tie for going out
• Old Age; from age sixty. Tartan slippers and a dressing gown every Christmas.

Thankfully things have changed. Now I wear Nike trainers and hoodies as my going out outfits, but I suppose that is the purpose of this book, I refuse to grow up. I still laugh at fart jokes and draw knobs on steamed up mirrors, drink too much and stay out far too late, despite the protests from my ageing body. As has been said many times, you are only here once, so why not live the best life with family, friends and fun.

This book is sort of an autobiography, although I have tried to stick to the amusing bits and left out the heartache and drama of growing up. Whilst everything in the book actually happened, circumstances and timings may have been altered to protect the guilty.

The aim of the book was to scratch an itch, and to make the reader chuckle at least once on every page - let's hope I have succeeded.

Acknowledgements

The Early Years (or A Tale of Two Titties)

School Is Cool (or Great Expectations)

The Teenage Years (or Act Your Age, Not Your Shoe Size)

The Car is the Star (or Drive It Like You Stole It)

College and Early Work Years (or The Young Man and The Sea)

Moving On (or Of Mice and Men)

Kit Cars (or A Load of Old Cobras)

Holidays (or Three Men in a Boat)

Paranormal Activity and Strange Events (or There's a Ghost In My House)

Pub Lives (or Whose Round Is It?)

Crete (or A Place in the Sun)

Family (or Imperfect Relations)

Modern Times (or Bits That Don't Fit Elsewhere)