German Men Sit Down to Pee and Other Insights into German Culture

Welcome to Germany, a country where you should always wait at the red man, show up on time for your wedding, and be extremely suspicious if anyone offers you a doughnut.  
 
‘German men sit down to pee’ is a tongue-in-cheek guidebook to German culture that highlights the rules Germans consciously and unconsciously follow, while trying to make a little sense of it all along the way. Why, for example, mowing your lawn on a Sunday will mean getting an earful from your neighbour, but lie naked in the middle of a public park and nobody will bat an eyelid.  
 
Ideal for anyone visiting or moving to Germany, ‘German Men Sit Down to Pee’ offers a collection of insights into German culture while at the same time highlighting rules and cultural norms that those visiting Germany will not only find humorous but useful for avoiding any cultural faux-pas.

Intro
Basic Rules

• Always follow the rules


• Love bureaucracy


• Have a good sense of humour

Shopping

• Don’t spend more than you have


• Shop with Preis-Leistungs-Verhältnis in mind


• Take out every insurance policy available

Work

• Be as blunt as you like


• Be punctual


• Work time is for work (and nothing else)


• Bring your own cake into the office on your birthday


• Remember your Sies and Dus

Socialising & “Freizeit”

• Have something to do in your Freizeit


• Be organised & plan everything in advance


• Love Fußball


• Hide your identity online


• Go Dutch when it’s time to pay


• Know your (German) culture


• Don't Mention David Hasselhoff

At Home

• Sit down when you pee


• Don’t make noise on a Sunday


• Own a Schrebergarten


• Recycle, Recycle, Recycle


• Take your kitchen with you when you move

Getting Around

• Cycle everywhere (and get angry when you can’t)


• Love your car


• Complain about the trains

Outlook

• Harbour conflicted feelings of national pride


• Love the German language


• Look down on the Ossi / Wessi


• Don’t make Nazi jokes


• Suffer from an ever-increasing list of health problems

Travel

• Go to Malle every summer


• Idolise Scandinavia


• Get naked when it gets warm


• Pay to go on the beach


• Dig a hole when you go to the beach

Sex & Romance

• Flirt as inconspicuously as you can


• Choose a good night’s sleep over romance


• Watch German porn


• Treat prostitution like any other job


• Show up on time for your wedding

Food & Drink
Know your sausages

• Eat a big German breakfast


• Eat Döner kebabs (even sober)


• Bring Kartoffelsalat to any event


• Get excited about asparagus season


• Have a hot lunch & a cold dinner


• Share a bag of doughnuts with friends


• Don't expect your water to be anything but sparkling


• Experiment with new drink mixes


• Drink Bier, and lots of it

The German Calendar

• Riot on the 1st of May


• Light a fire for Ostern (Easter)


• Get drunk on Father's Day


• Get really drunk on Oktoberfest


• Get sinful during Karneval (Fastnacht)


• Be totally indifferent about Re-Unification Day


• Terrify your children on Nikolaus


• Celebrate Christmas for a whole month


• Slide into the New Year

Epilogue
Acknowledgements